Dear Family -
The Middle East is a very dangerous place. Danger lurks around every corner, behind every bush, and yes, even on top of your closet! You never know when a marauding hoard may descend upon you.
That is why I am glad you sent me the new NX 5000 Blade Weapon. It is the perfect weapon of choice for home defense! I easily sent those marauders packing back to the stone age.